In The Dance, author Oriah Mountain Dreamer writes about a dream she had in which she was visited by someone she calls the Grandmother.
In the dream, the Grandmother told the author “The question is not why are you so infrequently the people you really want to be but why do you so infrequently want to be the people you really are.”
And then the Grandmother answered the question saying,“Because you have no faith that who you are is enough.”
Am I the person I really want to be? I’m not sure. This is not how I imagined my life.
Perhaps the problem is when I imagined my life years ago, I forgot to include the details. I skipped over the reality that I’d have to do laundry and clean the bathroom and make dinner EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. It never occurred to me that clients could be so…difficult.
Then there are my girls–my smart, funny, beautiful daughters. Despite all the temper tantrums they’ve thrown, and all the days I spent covered in–how shall I put this?–baby bodily fluids and peanut butter, I adore them. I can’t believe that I get the privilege of being their mom.
My mind constantly balances gratitude for the time with my kids with the anxiety of feeling they could have done much, much better in the mother category.
Are we enough, just as we are? If yes, why should we strive for anything different?