By Miriam Queensen
Do you feel like you and your partner don’t speak the same language? Using Gary Chapman’s The 5 Love Languages, you can discover how you prefer to express your feelings, and what she most strongly responds to when it comes to love.
On the website, you can both take a short quiz to determine which of the 5 “love languages” are most important to you, and compare answers. The results may be very eye opening!
The upshot is: What makes you feel loved? And what makes HER feel loved? Chances are you may not respond to the same expressions of affection.
What are the languages?
Words of Affirmation. Not just saying “I love you,” but words (or notes) expressing encouragement, appreciation, praise, affection. One positive comment can mend a tiff better than a dozen roses for those who value words.
Physical Touch. This is not just about the bedroom, but everyday acts of physical connection – hugs, kisses, holding hands. Touching is vital to many of us, which is easy to forget while we’re texting.
Quality Time. Spending time together can be challenging when we’re busy, but for some it means everything. Quality time means not just inhabiting the same space, but enjoying an activity, conversing, or performing a task together.
Receiving Gifts. For some, gifts are the quintessential expression of love. This does not mean diamonds – a small token of love shows your spouse you’re thinking of them. You could pick up a treat for her on the way home, surprise her with a “thinking of you” greeting card or small item she’s mentioned wanting or needing. Of course, flowers of any kind always express love.
Acts of Service. For many men, this comes naturally. When you take her car in for an oil change, fix the dishwasher or take on chores, you’re expressing your love by committing to your home and relationship, and she notices! Concrete actions that help your partner can mean more than any gift. There are times when actions DO speak louder than words.
While physical touch may be crucial to you, you could discover that words of affirmation speak to her most loudly. This information may spur you to make more effort to put your feelings into words. She will notice! If she learns that you most value quality time together, she may be inspired to add regular “date nights” to the calendar!
Knowing which love languages you value the most – and which SHE values – can vastly improve your relationship.